Last month, I attended a two-hour parenting talk at Holy Angel University. It was attended by my co-parents in Laboratory Elementary School (LES). The talk is entitled, How to Raise a Physically and Psychologically Healthy Child.It was facilitated by Dr. Mac R. Macaraeg.
From generation to generation, parenting styles have changed. Our parents "parenting" on us might not work on our children anymore. I, for one, who's raising four children together with my husband, know that although I was brought up well by my parents, we have our own style when it comes to instilling values and practicing discipline to our children. The world is constantly changing, there are times that old style still works but most of the time and as a whole, parenting is still a trial and error kind of thing.
Let me share with you ten things I've learned on this parenting talk. Note that these are my own thoughts, opinions and realizations based on what I've heard. I was not asked by anyone to write this nor was I paid to do so. I was just happy that I have learned a lot from this talk and would love to share it with you.
1. Parenting is telling your children that "I've got your back." This one seems so easy because, of course we'll always be there for them, no matter what. But when we've got their backs, we stay behind them and that is where parents should stay all the time, behind their children. Not in front of them, telling them what to do or dictating them of their actions. When parents are in front of their children they become barriers, though we think we are protecting them, but unconsciously, we are covering their faces to see the beauty (and the cruelty) of the world. We stay behind their backs because we are the one who should push them to move forward. When we are behind them, it's easier to give them a pat on the shoulder and tell them, "good job, I am so proud of you!" or give their backs a little rub and tell them, "ooops, you've got it wrong this time, you can always try again, remember I'm just behind you."
2. You are a spouse before you became a parent. In fact, we wouldn't be parents without our spouses. I remember our officiating priest during our wedding telling us that there is no such thing as compatibility between a man and a woman until they become one and have children of their own. Your children are your only compatibility, he said. The thing is, when we become parents we become overwhelmed with our responsibilities to our children that we sometimes forget our spouse or make him/her our last priority. Remember that we are our children's role model. Treat your spouse the way you want your children to treat you and other people outside your home. How else will they know love than to see it happening between you and your spouse, right? So dating your spouse without the children every once in a while isn't a bad idea after all, isn't it?
3. Leave and cleave. A home is where a family lives. This home should only have one head - the father and one heart - the mother. As parents, it is our responsibility to build a home for our children where they can recognize each family members' role. So living under one roof with extended families is not an ideal set up.
4. "Parenting is a 24/7 job and it's irrevocable." Yup, it's parenting, meaning it's a mommy and daddy kind of thing, and not just a mommy thing. More often than not, mothers are labeled by the society as care takers of the family while fathers are the provider. Though, this is of course true, let us not forget the fact that parenting is a shared responsibility of both the mother and the father. Obviously, it is a 24/7 job, there's no quitting. It is irrevocable, we can't take it back. We can't just tell our children, "I can't stand you anymore. I'm outta here!" (Though, we really want to tell them these sometimes, right?) But remember, there is such a thing as "pause". Whenever we think our kids are just too much to handle, pause, breathe and ask your spouse for help.
5. "Men are not endowed with the patience designed for taking care of children." You might feel that this is contradicting to number 4. But what this actually means is, mothers are special. That's why we are the heart of our homes. Carrying a growing life inside us for 9 months or so, enduring hours of labor, bearing the pain of delivering a child - these are all God's way of stretching our patience and preparing us into the wonderful (yet chaotic) world of Motherhood. This is why, a mother's patience to her children is longer than that of a father's. So even if parenting should be shared, a mother's role in the family is exceptional.
6. Do not forget the basics. We all want physically healthy children. Give them healthy food and supplements and let them sleep at least 8 hours a day. These sounds so easy to tick on our check list, but what we forget is how we allow them to eat fast food whenever they do not like the food on the table. Or how we let them sleep late at night because they still want to watch tv or play the tablet. Sometimes, we just want to give in to what our children want because we are too tired of telling them to do the right thing. Even if it's so difficult, let us not get tired of letting them eat the right food, or telling them to sleep on time. There could be cheat days, but let's grow physically healthy kids on most days.
7. Parenting starts the moment you were pregnant. As a pregnant mother, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself - take prenatal vitamins, visit the OB-GYN once a month or as needed, eat healthy, quit smoking (if you are smoking), etc. You owe it to your unborn child to stay healthy. The role of the husband here is of course, take care of his wife and their unborn child - this includes being patient to your moody wife and giving her her weird food and other requests. Making your wife happy and stress free is also part of being a good father to your unborn child, appreciate her more and tell her encouraging words when needed. Remember a happy wife means happy baby too.
8. Teach your children to communicate with you. Let them know it's fine to express their feelings in front of you. Know what makes them happy, sad, mad, and scared. Let us all practice positive parenting. It's not that easy though. We don't want our children to think that we are their bestfriends and they can do anything they want, as in anything (uh uh). We also don't want them to follow us just because their scared of us. Since communication is a two-way process, let us listen to our children when they talk and teach them to listen when we talk. By listening we mean, there's no cellphone on our hand or no eyes on the tv. Let's make it as simple as a"thank you" deserves a "you're welcome" or an "I'm sorry" deserves an "it's okay". Let's walk the talk, if we are teaching our children to humble themselves, let us also be humble. Remember that "I'm sorry" is not only for children. In addition, let us make our house rules simple. Let us practice that all house rules should be followed by all the members of the family.
9. Eat together. So simple yet so hard to do these days. Nowadays, even dinner should be scheduled and the schedule must be agreed by all the members of the family. This should definitely be a part of the house rules. This rule should be followed by another rule, no gadgets on the table. So moms, this is also a challenge to all of us to prepare delicious yet nutritious food which our husband and our children will look forward to. Good luck!
10. Make God the center of your home. And everything else will follow. No further explanation is needed.
Most of these are notes to myself as well. I'm guilty of prioritizing my children over my husband at times. I have told my children to find another mother especially when I'm really angry. Guilty also of serving them a lot of fast food and sugar, letting them watch a lot of Youtube at night too. Again, parenting is a trial and error. I personally feel the guilt on a daily basis. I have four children and I see parenting as a challenge I have to face every single day, yet I look forward to it. Parenting is a mixture of comedy and drama with sprinkles on top. I guess listening to talks like this or reading a parenting book or magazine article is like a breath of fresh air. Sort of a reminder that nobody is indeed perfect, yup, even parents.
3. Leave and cleave. A home is where a family lives. This home should only have one head - the father and one heart - the mother. As parents, it is our responsibility to build a home for our children where they can recognize each family members' role. So living under one roof with extended families is not an ideal set up.
4. "Parenting is a 24/7 job and it's irrevocable." Yup, it's parenting, meaning it's a mommy and daddy kind of thing, and not just a mommy thing. More often than not, mothers are labeled by the society as care takers of the family while fathers are the provider. Though, this is of course true, let us not forget the fact that parenting is a shared responsibility of both the mother and the father. Obviously, it is a 24/7 job, there's no quitting. It is irrevocable, we can't take it back. We can't just tell our children, "I can't stand you anymore. I'm outta here!" (Though, we really want to tell them these sometimes, right?) But remember, there is such a thing as "pause". Whenever we think our kids are just too much to handle, pause, breathe and ask your spouse for help.
5. "Men are not endowed with the patience designed for taking care of children." You might feel that this is contradicting to number 4. But what this actually means is, mothers are special. That's why we are the heart of our homes. Carrying a growing life inside us for 9 months or so, enduring hours of labor, bearing the pain of delivering a child - these are all God's way of stretching our patience and preparing us into the wonderful (yet chaotic) world of Motherhood. This is why, a mother's patience to her children is longer than that of a father's. So even if parenting should be shared, a mother's role in the family is exceptional.
6. Do not forget the basics. We all want physically healthy children. Give them healthy food and supplements and let them sleep at least 8 hours a day. These sounds so easy to tick on our check list, but what we forget is how we allow them to eat fast food whenever they do not like the food on the table. Or how we let them sleep late at night because they still want to watch tv or play the tablet. Sometimes, we just want to give in to what our children want because we are too tired of telling them to do the right thing. Even if it's so difficult, let us not get tired of letting them eat the right food, or telling them to sleep on time. There could be cheat days, but let's grow physically healthy kids on most days.
7. Parenting starts the moment you were pregnant. As a pregnant mother, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself - take prenatal vitamins, visit the OB-GYN once a month or as needed, eat healthy, quit smoking (if you are smoking), etc. You owe it to your unborn child to stay healthy. The role of the husband here is of course, take care of his wife and their unborn child - this includes being patient to your moody wife and giving her her weird food and other requests. Making your wife happy and stress free is also part of being a good father to your unborn child, appreciate her more and tell her encouraging words when needed. Remember a happy wife means happy baby too.
8. Teach your children to communicate with you. Let them know it's fine to express their feelings in front of you. Know what makes them happy, sad, mad, and scared. Let us all practice positive parenting. It's not that easy though. We don't want our children to think that we are their bestfriends and they can do anything they want, as in anything (uh uh). We also don't want them to follow us just because their scared of us. Since communication is a two-way process, let us listen to our children when they talk and teach them to listen when we talk. By listening we mean, there's no cellphone on our hand or no eyes on the tv. Let's make it as simple as a"thank you" deserves a "you're welcome" or an "I'm sorry" deserves an "it's okay". Let's walk the talk, if we are teaching our children to humble themselves, let us also be humble. Remember that "I'm sorry" is not only for children. In addition, let us make our house rules simple. Let us practice that all house rules should be followed by all the members of the family.
9. Eat together. So simple yet so hard to do these days. Nowadays, even dinner should be scheduled and the schedule must be agreed by all the members of the family. This should definitely be a part of the house rules. This rule should be followed by another rule, no gadgets on the table. So moms, this is also a challenge to all of us to prepare delicious yet nutritious food which our husband and our children will look forward to. Good luck!
10. Make God the center of your home. And everything else will follow. No further explanation is needed.
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