Looking Back: Unplanned but not Unwanted

Lately, I see posts in mommy groups of moms who feel so upset about getting pregnant again, too soon. That's why I felt the need to share this article I have written five years ago. I used to be in the same situation and may have felt worse than everybody else's feelings about their unexpected pregnancies.

My pregnancy with Addy and her 3D ultrasound.

October 4, 2011-- Two red lines? I couldn't believe it. Kiera has just turned 10 months last September 17. We were not planning for a new baby, we were just planning for her first birthday. I silently walked out of the bathroom and rushed myself to our room. I was about to cry, and though I was silent, my actions speak so loud that my husband knew exactly what was going on. He joined me in our room and I immediately showed her the pregnancy test result. He told me to do another test just to make sure, but I told him, one is enough, I am sure that I am pregnant.

I have to admit, it was a painful moment for me. I mean, I just gave birth 10 months ago. My body has just started going back to its normal size. Plus the fact that I don't have a job at the moment, what will happen to my career? Who would hire a pregnant woman? What would be the reaction of our extended family? What will other people say? Our daughter is not even one year old, and here I am, pregnant again. For a moment, I thought my life was totally wrecked, all because of an unplanned pregnancy.

I didn't think of abortion. But I was somehow praying that God will make a way not to continue this pregnancy. I wished that I'll slip in the bathroom, stumble or fall somewhere. I knew it was a selfish thought, but I was so emotional about the whole pregnancy thing. 

My husband told me that he was happy about the new baby, but his face didn't justify that. I asked him to keep the pregnancy a secret for a while, at least until Kiera's first birthday. Being close to my sister though, I revealed the news to her a week after. She just lost her baby at that time, and hearing the news made her happy. She told me that the baby is another blessing from God and never mind other people's opinion. She helped me disclose the news to our parents, too. To my surprise, no violent reactions at all, but they were a little worried about our finances.

Contrary to my thought, I found a job. We revealed the pregnancy even before Kiera's birthday. I also started to feel better and finally accepted the fact that I'm having a new baby. I even posted on Facebook about it. I received so many beautiful comments but there were some not so good comments too. I didn't mind the negative comments because I was so overwhelmed by my friends' support on the pregnancy. My husband kept posting so many beautiful things about it on Facebook as well. One of my favorites was, "I am proud of my wife".

I called her unplanned because we were not ready in all aspects, for a new baby, but she was planned by God. And God's timing is always perfect. In about 22 days, I'm going to give birth to a pretty little girl and we will name her Laureen Adriella. I never thought that the feeling of excitement would be the same as the first one. I love you our Addy. Forgive my selfish thoughts. I pray nothing now than for you to be born healthy and normal. I'll see you real soon sweetheart.

Tears still fall from my eyes whenever I read this one. I feel so blessed to have my sweet little Addy. God has been so generous to me, He gave me a big family to love and I wouldn't want it any other way.